


Suppressed Feelings

by shannonbostic



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Cute, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Smut, Gen, Oneshot, Smut, Supernatural Reader insert, spn reader insert
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-22
Updated: 2016-03-26
Packaged: 2018-05-28 06:54:40
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,568
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6319087
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shannonbostic/pseuds/shannonbostic
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Cas calls the reader after his “date” with Nora falls through, and the reader comes to pick him up, leading to their confession of how they feel about him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys, this is a fic I wrote a couple months ago that I posted to my tumblr (splendidcas), and I figured I'd post it here too. It's based off of 9x06, but I changed the ending bc cas deserves better :-)  
> Also, for the sake of the story, we're just gonna pretend Nora lives 20 minutes from the bunker, and that the whole angel-trying-to-kill Cas-while-he-was-babysitting thing didn't happen.  
> Ok. Go forth my friends, and enjoy this fic.

You hadn’t seen Cas in weeks. Not since Dean told him he couldn’t stay at the bunker, at least. You didn’t even get to say goodbye to him; Dean decided to tell you after Cas had already left, and you had been furious. Scratch that—you were _still_ furious. Cas had just become human, had _just_ been killed by that damn reaper (which you were still bitter about, if you were being honest), and now Dean decides to kick him out? Livid didn’t even come close to how you felt. And the fact that you had been head-over-heels for the Angel ever since you met him definitely didn’t make things easier.

Luckily, you and Cas were close friends, and you two spoke on the phone at least every few days to check in with each other. You soon learned that he got a job working at a Gas-n-Sip, and was apparently going by the name “Steve”.

 

_“Steve? Really, Cas?” you giggled on the phone._

_“Yes, really. And I’m really enjoying my job. There’s a real dignity to it.. a human dignity.” Cas replied._

_You couldn’t help but smile into the phone at his response._

_“Well, I’m glad, Cas. And I’m proud of you. But I gotta go, call me if you need me!” you hung up._

 

That phone call was the last you heard from him for a while. You hadn't even known how he was doing--until a few hours ago, that is, when Dean called you to let you know he was on his way to drop Cas off at his manager Nora's house for a date, and he'd be back at the bunker later. You were crushed. You went to Sam and asked him to hang out with you in an attempt to get your mind off of Cas, but of course, Sam politely declined, saying he was way behind on research.

A few hours later of moping around the bunker brings you to where you are now: laying in bed, staring at the ceiling, and feeling sorry for yourself. 

_What does this “Nora” have that I don’t?_ you thought. _She definitely doesn’t know he’s an Angel. And she definitely doesn’t know that his name isn’t even Steve. Maybe if I actually had the balls to tell him how much I love him, he wouldn’t even be on that date._

But who were you kidding? You were a coward. He was an Angel of the Lord, and you were…you. So you had been doing what you do best: keeping your feelings to yourself. You’d been hiding your crush for 2 years now, so why tell him now and ruin the close friendship you had?

All of the sudden, your pity party was interrupted by the sound of your cell phone ringing. You looked down at your phone, and a huge smile spread out across your face as the name “Cas :)” popped up on your screen.

“Hello?” you answered.

“Y/N, I hope you aren’t busy but Dean’s not answering his phone and I—I don’t want to bother you but—” Cas was rambling, and as adorable as you found it, you really wanted him to get to the point.

“Cas it’s ok, I’m not busy and you could never bother me. What do you need?” you replied.

You heard Cas sigh.

“It turns out Nora wasn’t asking me on a date. She left me to babysit while she went out on a date with a different man.” 

That. _Bitch._

“Cas I am so sorry. I can’t believe she did that. Do you need me to pick you up?” you crossed your fingers, hoping he would say yes. You were dying to see him.

“Well, I am done babysitting now, so if it’s not too much trouble, that would be very helpful. Thank you, Y/N.” 

Your heart twisted at that. Nora led Cas on and pretty much dumped her baby on him while she went out on a date and he stayed and babysat anyway? Just when you thought you couldn’t love him any more than you already did, he always proved you wrong.

“No prob, I’ll see you soon Cas. I mean ‘Steve’,” you chuckled.

He gave you the address, and after you hung up, you practically skipped to the garage, the excitement of finally seeing Cas again spreading through your veins.

20 minutes later, you pull up to Nora’s house in one of the many old cars the bunker kept. You looked to your right and your heart broke at the sight of him. There he was, sitting on the front porch steps with his hands clasped between his knees and his head down low. 

You turned off the car and slowly got out. 

“Hi, Cas.” you said warmly, walking up and sitting next to him on the front porch steps. You gave him a sad smile, which he returned.

“I’m sorry if this was any trouble. I couldn’t get a hold of Dean. And I must admit, I have missed you.” he said. Realizing what he just said, he quickly averted his eyes from yours and-- _is he blushing?_ you thought to yourself.

“I’ve missed you too, Cas. A lot, actually. I’ve been so mad at Dean for kicking you out of the bunker. I just can’t forgive him for that, not when you need us the most.” You surprised yourself with how honest you were being. _Crap.. maybe that was too honest.. Oh god, I totally just gave myself away. Now he knows I'm in love with him. Great._

“It’s alright. I’ve been sleeping in the Gas-n-Sip.” he replied, as if that was a totally normal thing.

You were shocked. That was so  _not_ what you thought he was going to say.

“You… you _what?_ Cas, if I had known, I’d—“ you started.

“But you _didn’t_ know, Y/N,” Cas interrupted. “There’s nothing you or anyone else could have done. Dean doesn’t want me in the bunker.” he said sadly.

You looked at him for a long time and saw all the heartbreak all over his face. And as you looked into his eyes, suddenly you could see all the guilt he carried from the Angels falling, and you saw the disappointment about getting stood up by whatever-her-name-was. But suddenly, none of that was important. Seeing how alone and afraid he was, you realized how much Cas needed to hear someone say that they care about him. That they want him around and they'll stick by no matter what. And by God, you were gonna be that person.

Feeling bold from your sudden determination, you gently interlaced your fingers with his. “But _I_ want you in the bunker, Cas. I…” you started. But as soon as you looked into his eyes and saw him staring at you, you felt your courage falter. Your heart started beating faster with nerves and adrenaline. Were you really about to tell him how you’ve felt all these years?

“What is it, Y/N?” he inquired, brows furrowed in curiosity. He squeezed your hand gently to encourage you to go on.

You took in a deep breath. “Castiel, I’m in love with you. I am so pathetically in love with you,” you laugh breathlessly, completely in disbelief that the words actually came out of your mouth. “From the moment I saw you, I just, I don’t know. I just knew you were special, and I don’t mean because you’re an angel. I mean because you’re the sweetest, bravest, most loyal man I’ve ever met. There’s not a bad bone in your body; you have the best heart and there’s no one I know more worthy of love than you. Not to mention, you’re freakin’ adorable.” you smile. You finally get the courage to look back up at Cas, who has a complete look of shock on his face. Oh no. You’ve ruined everything.

“Y/N…you.. you are in love with _me?”_ he sounded completely flabbergasted. 

“Of course I am, dummy. How could I not be?” you replied. You saw a flash of that side-grin of his, but it quickly dissolved into a sad frown.

“Because, Y/N, I am a complete failure. I’m supposed to be an Angel of the Lord. Instead, I made all of my brothers and sisters fall from Heaven, and now I’m just Steve from Gas-n-Sip. You deserve much better than me.” he replied as he looked down at the ground.

You couldn't believe it. _He_ didn’t think he was worthy of _you_? 

“Castiel, I don’t care that the Angels fell. I don’t care that Dean kicked you out of the bunker, and I certainly don’t care that you’re living as Steve from Gas-n-Sip. I love you anyway. I always have and I always will.” you replied. 

He flashed that rare big smile of his, and somehow you were able to keep your eyes on his deep blue ones and smile back without spontaneously combusting.

“Ever since I've become human, all of these emotions I tried to push away as an Angel have only resurfaced, and they are...much more intense than before," Castiel began as he rubbed his thumb on your knuckles. "I pushed them away because I didn't understand them, and I didn't understand what I was feeling towards you. But my short time as a human has made me see things clearly for the first time."

He pauses and takes a deep breath, as if to prepare himself for what he was about to say next.

"I love you too, Y/N. Very much. Truthfully, I only said yes to Nora so that I could move on from you. I never imagined you would ever feel the same."

Your stomach was doing cartwheels and you were smiling so big your cheeks were starting to hurt. Did Castiel just tell you he loves you? _This has got to be a dream_ , you thought, half-grateful that he could no longer hear your thoughts.

When you saw his smile fade and his pupils dilate as his eyes darted down to your lips, your heart started pounding even faster.

And then you saw him slowly start to lean in.

_Holy shit, this is not a drill. This is seriously happening, don't just sit there, Y/N, do something!_

Listening to your inner monologue, you looked down at his full lips and leaned in slowly to meet them, anxious to finally find out how soft they were. Just before your lips touched he nuzzled your nose affectionately, making you smile. His lips were less than a centimeter away, teasing you until _finally_ they met yours with a feather-light touch. Feeling impatient after suppressing your feelings for so long, you pull your hand from his and gently grab the side of his face, enabling you to bring him a bit closer and press harder against his lips. He responds just as eagerly, placing one hand on the back of your neck and the other around your waist to pull you even closer until you’re almost on top of him.

After a minute of heated and passionate kissing, before it could go any further, you reluctantly pulled away and rested your forehead against his. After you caught your breath, you lifted your head and saw his eyes were still closed, and he had a totally blissed-out look on his face.

“Castiel,” you giggled when his eyes opened again and he smiled shyly at you, tucking a strand of hair behind your ear.

“So Cas.. Now that I’ve told you how much I care about you…why don’t I sneak you back into the bunker with me so I can _show_ you?”

 


	2. Suppressed Feelings Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Part 2 to Suppressed Feelings. The reader sneaks Cas back into the bunker so she can "show" him how much she loves him *wink wink*.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, so this took me a few days to write. I really took my time with it, given that it's my first time writing smut, which is prolly why it's so long. I really hope you guys like it and that it's not totally awful haha. PS the ending is so fluffy I had a big stupid grin on my face while writing it hahah.
> 
> Go forth my smut lovers! Hope you enjoy!

The ride back to the bunker was quiet but filled with you and Cas stealing quick glances at each other. At one point, Cas decided to take your hand and intertwine your fingers with his. When you turned to look at him, he was already looking at you with the warmest smile you had ever seen.

Your heart was _pounding._

You were so nervous. Sure, you’d had sex before, but not with an ex-Angel of the Lord. Not with the man you’d been pining over for several years. But you were trying to put those nerves aside. Tonight was going to be about Cas. Loving him, caring for him, _pleasuring him_.

 You finally arrived back at the bunker and parked the old car back in the garage where you got it. But before you and Cas could get back to your room, you had to make sure Sam and Dean weren’t there. It’d be really awkward for them to catch you and Cas doin’ the deed, let alone seeing Cas in the bunker at all since Dean had asked him to leave.

“Stay here for a sec, I’ll be right back,” you told Cas. You opened the door from the garage and slowly walked in. “Sam? Dean? You guys here?” you called. Several seconds passed, no answer. You silently ushered for Cas to follow you inside. 

You grabbed his hand and interlaced your fingers with his as you both tip-toed into the kitchen. It was empty—thank God—except for a note left on the kitchen table.

_Went to the bar with Sammy. Be back by morning. —Dean_

You grinned widely as you turned to Castiel. “Guess we have the bunker to ourselves tonight,” you said. “Wanna go to my room?”

“Sure.” Cas gave you a small smile. 

You led him to your room hand in hand. The way your heart had been pounding in the car was nothing compared to the way your heart was racing now. This was it. You were finally going to have Castiel all to yourself. 

 All. 

Night. 

Once you both stepped inside your room, you turned and closed the door behind you. Once you turned back around, Cas was suddenly very close to you.

 _Oh shit this is it_ , you thought.

“Y/N, before this goes any further.. I just… I want you to know that we don’t have to do anything. We can wait; I don’t want to force you to do anything you don’t want to.” Cas said, staring directly into your eyes.

“Cas, I _do_ want this. More than anything. All I wanna do tonight…is show you how loved you are. Because after all the shit you've been through, you deserve it, Cas. As long as you want this, too.” you stared back and gave him an assuring smile.

Cas closed his eyes briefly as a look of relief crossed his features. “Y/N, you have no idea how long I’ve been dreaming of this. How badly I’ve desired you...” he replied, his eyes now almost entirely black with lust as he took a step closer to you and brought one hand up to gently cup your face.

“Cas,” you breathed out as you closed your eyes, leaning into his soft touch. 

“Hmm?” he replied. 

“I love you.”

“I love you, Y/N.”

And that was all the reassurance you needed. Opening your eyes once more, you reached up to grab the collar of his white button-down, effectively closing the gap between you. The two of you looked into each other’s eyes for several moments before Cas leaned in and brought his lips to yours. He kissed you slowly, trying to pour every bit of affection he felt for you into the kiss. You returned the kiss with equal force, as if it was the only way to show him how much you cared for him. You tilted your head in an effort to deepen the kiss, and tentatively ran your tongue along his bottom lip, requesting entrance. Cas obliged, opening his mouth a bit more, allowing you to explore his mouth with your tongue. 

Cas let out a groan at your notions, and it hit you right between your legs. He lowered his hands down to your lower back and pulled you as close as you could possibly get while you ran your fingers through his hair. After several more seconds, your lungs began to protest for air. You pulled away to catch your breath for a few moments before you began peppering kisses all along his jaw and down his neck. You stopped once you got to his pulse point and began to suck. Cas let out a deep _mmmm_ noise and squeezed your hips through the material of your shirt in response.

Which reminded you… you and Cas were still wearing clothes. And that just wasn’t going to work.

You pulled yourself away from his neck and moved your hands to the top button of his white button-down. You locked eyes with him, silently asking for his permission.

He gave you a small smile and a nod, and you silently began undoing his buttons one by one. The two of you were staring into each other’s eyes and with each passing second, the air around you began to grow thick and heavy with lust. You could see all the love and lust he had for you as he stared back, his breathing becoming a bit heavier with each new button undone. When you finally reached the bottom you smoothed your hands up his chest and around his shoulders, effectively pushing his shirt off. 

You tore your eyes away from his to get a good look at his chest, and _god_ he was beautiful. You couldn’t help but sigh out a “wow” at the sight of him, which Cas smirked at. And if you were being honest, you couldn’t _wait_ to see the rest of him. 

You looked up at him once more and put your hands on his sides. Giving him the most innocent look you could muster up, you slowly started lowering yourself down to the floor, your hands sliding down his body with you, causing him to shiver. Now kneeling in front of him, you were face to face with the obvious erection straining against his jeans, making heat pool between your legs. You began palming at his erection through the denim material, and immediately Cas’ eyes shut tight and his hands flew to your hair. You quickly unbuttoned his jeans and pulled them all the way down his legs with his boxers in tow. He quickly kicked them off, his impatience evident by the massive hard on he currently had. 

 _Holy shit he’s well endowed_ , you thought. Not that you were really surprised, though.

He was painfully hard, and he stared at you with a pleading expression on his face.

“ _Please_ , Y/N” he whimpered.

“I know, I’ve got you. Just don’t move, ok?” 

You put both hands on either side of his hips and sucked the pre-cum off the tip, causing a sharp intake of breath from Cas. Moving your head down a bit further, you ran your tongue along the vein of his shaft while Cas' fingers tightened in your hair. Not being one to tease too much, you suddenly wrapped your mouth around his cock and immediately began bobbing your head up and down on his length. The sudden pleasure caused Cas to gasp and tug hard on your hair, making you moan around him.

“Y/N you’re so—ugh, you feel so amazing,” Cas choked out, his moans becoming more frequent and his breathing becoming more ragged. You hollowed your cheeks out and sucked harder at Cas’ strangled moans. “Wait, Y/N stop, I’m—I’m going to orgasm if you keep doing that,” Cas moaned out. You inwardly smiled at how formal Cas sounded, even in the throes of passion.

Listening to Cas’ pleas, you pulled off of him with a quiet “pop”. You looked up at Cas, who was biting his lip as his chest heaved.

“Y/N, you…you’re incredible. Please, let me see you.” he asked. You smiled up at him as he offered you a hand, and he pulled you up against his chest. He gave you a quick kiss before he began to undress you slowly.

When you were left in nothing but your bra and underwear, you stepped away from him before he could touch you, motioning for him to go sit on the bed. Confused but eager to see what you were going to do, he climbed on top of the bed and leaned his back against the headboard with his lust-filled eyes trained on you.

You wanted to give him a little show. 

You turned away, giving your back to him. You placed your hands on your hips and slowly ran them up your waist until you reached your bra. You reached behind your back and unhooked it, letting it slowly roll down your arms and onto the floor. You could just barely hear the sharp intake of breath from Cas at your action. You playfully turned around and peeked at him over your shoulder for just a moment and smiled at him. He looked completely entranced, as if he were put under some kind of spell by you. And you loved every second of it.

Turning your head back to face forward once more, you hooked your fingers in the waistband of your panties and wiggled your hips—perhaps more than necessary—as you slowly shimmied them down. 

Now completely naked, you ever so slowly turned around to face him, your nerves twisting in your stomach. You tried to put on the most confident and seductive pose you could muster, but as you stood naked in front of the man you were head over heels for, suddenly you were sure you looked ridiculous. But apparently Cas didn’t think so. He let out a long and deep moan, closing his eyes briefly letting his head fall back onto the pillow as he took in the sight of you.

“Y/N, please stop teasing. You are utterly breathtaking and the need to touch you is becoming very overwhelming.” he whimpered. 

Who were you to deny him?

Now feeling slightly more confident from his encouragement, you crawled onto the bed and straddled him. But Cas had other plans in mind. His hands immediately flew to your waist, and without a second’s notice he had you pinned underneath him with a smug smirk on his face.

“No. It’s my turn now.” his voice was somehow even deeper and you didn’t even think it was possible to get that wet just from someone’s voice. You slowly nodded your head, granting him permission.

Cas immediately attached his lips to your neck with reckless abandon. Somehow he found your sweet spot almost right away, kissing, sucking, and biting until you were a whimpering and moaning mess. Eventually his kisses moved south, and you cried out when he took a nipple in his mouth while massaging your other breast.

“Castiel, please,” you begged. Your clit was positively aching for attention. You needed him so bad. But he ignored you, switching sides and pinching a nipple between his fingers. Pretty soon you couldn’t take it anymore; you grabbed his hand and placed it on your aching pussy. 

Cas finally got the picture and immediately released your breasts. He slowly made his way down your body until he was face to face with your soaked pussy. He tentatively licked a stripe through your folds as his hands rubbed up and down your thighs, making you moan loudly. You ran your fingers through his hair and tugged, causing him to moan and begin sucking on your clit. 

“Cas, I— _oh god,_ I need you, please. Cas please just make love to me already,” you cried out. 

Cas let up a few seconds later, smiling at you with his slick-covered lips, making you whimper. 

“Come here,” you whispered as you turned on your right side.

He obeyed, coming to lay down on his left side, facing you. You hiked your left leg up around his waist, the tip of his cock now nudging against your entrance, making both of you gasp at the sensation. You gently touched the side of his face, whispering “I love you” as you leaned in to kiss him. 

“I love you, Y/N” he replied. 

He kissed you again as he slowly pushed into you, the feeling causing both of you moan into each other’s mouths. You pushed your hips forward, bringing him fill you to the hilt. 

“Are you ok?” Cas sounded positively wrecked, but he wasn’t about to move until he knew you were comfortable.

“Yeah, I’m great. You can move” you breathed out. 

Cas began thrusting in and out of you at an easy pace that had you clawing at his back for more. He had his head buried in your neck, leaving bruising kisses all over the junction between your neck and shoulder. 

“Faster, please, Cas” you begged. He pushed your shoulders down a bit so you were now laying on your back, and you wrapped your legs around his waist, drawing him in even deeper. He groaned into your neck and began thrusting at an almost impossible speed. 

“Fuck, Cas!” you cried out. 

“Y/N, you feel so fucking good,” he groaned out. 

The former Angel cursing as he fucked into you sent you quickly spiraling towards an incredible release. You could feel the warmth in your lower belly begin to spread deliciously, bringing you right to the edge. 

“Cas, I’m so—I’m so close” you whimpered. 

Cas hummed in response, and seconds later you were shuddering beneath him in the midst of the best orgasm you ever had; its intensity almost having you unable to make a sound. Cas bit down on your shoulder as he found his own release right after, producing a long and guttural groan. 

Once you had both calmed down, Cas slumped on top of you, but was careful to make sure his weight didn’t crush you. You lightly ran your fingers up and down his spine as you sighed contently. 

“Y/N?” Cas broke the silence. 

“Hmm?” You watched as Cas slowly lifted himself off of you and took your hand, looking deeply into your eyes. Did he look..nervous?

“I.. I know that things with me are a mess right now. But you know I love you and would do anything to protect you and I was.. I was wondering if you would be mine.” he said quietly, now looking down as he played with your fingers nervously.

The butterflies in your stomach began to dance excitedly as your thoughts shouted _He wants to be your boyfriend! Castiel wants to be your actual boyfriend!_ You had the biggest, dopiest grin on your face. 

“Castiel,” you said with the smile in your voice, waiting for him to look back at you. When he did, you saw him start to relax and a smile began forming on his face as well.

“Yes?”

“Are you asking me to be your girlfriend?”

Cas’ blush spread across his face. “I..um.. Yes. I was wondering if you would be my girlfriend,” he looked up at you sheepishly. 

“Duhhhhh” you replied, the butterflies in your stomach causing you to laughing breathlessly.

You swore Cas had never smiled wider in his entire life, and _damn_ that was a smile you could get used to.

You two probably looked like the dopiest love-struck idiots in the world, but as he drew you in for a kiss that had you seeing stars, neither of you could care less.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So?? How was da smutty smut? Please let me know what y'all think, I'm just a newbie with smut, so feedback is so greatly appreciated!

**Author's Note:**

> lemme know if y'all want a part 2 with smut; I've never written smut before but if I get enough encouragement I'll get over my embarrassment and give it a go hahah. Comments or kudos much appreciated :)


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